Well, I received some good feedback, most of it sent directly to me. Among the suggestions, ones that stick out to me are to make Ken Jay a more likable character and to play up the aspect that he is doing it all for his son a bit more. It has also been suggested to give the dialogue more personality to help contrast the three characters more. I originally was specifically trying to not do this as it is too easy to read as stereotyping but I like the idea of trying to use it to better contrast the characters.
Any other suggestions or thoughts on these changes, feel free to post in the comments or send to me. I'll take a couple of weeks to rewrite then look into E-publishing.
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